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JESUS WAS THERE—And I did not know it!

By Carol MacKenzie

I was born in 1965 into a loving Christian family—the only child of Ken and Isobel Adams. I was brought up in Dunoon, in Scotland, and attended the Baptist Church with my parents all of my childhood until I was fifteen.

Up until then I had done what I was asked and didn’t question it. As I became older I realised I wanted to fit in with my peers who didn’t go to church.  So I stopped going to church then and didn’t return until I was much older.

A Mission had come to Dunoon Baptist Church. As my dad was a deacon he was asked if some of the mission could stay with them. This was not a problem and a Captain Anderson and his daughter came to stay.  I don’t remember when they came, but it was when I was twenty—and by now I had my own social life with my friends and was planning to go out that night.  It was Friday night, the start of the weekend!   Mum and Dad unexpectedly had to go away for the weekend. I was going out with my friends but, as it happened, my friends cancelled their plans, so when Captain Anderson’s daughter asked me to come to the mission show that night I had no reason not to.

It was that night I gave my life to the Lord Jesus Christ! Now, when I look back, I can see the Lord’s hand at work, though it was not plain sailing from then on.  I remember the joy I had that morning after the night before, so to speak. I realised I could start all over again—my sins were forgiven, I was washed clean…

But it didn’t last very long. My new-found joy had no depth of character. I started to feel ‘embraced’ or restricted by a Christ-centred lifestyle—in a sense I felt I was not able to live up to my expectations of what a Christian should be like; and so I drifted away from the Lord.

When Ruaridh was born in 1990 I was filled with that joy again and decided to rededicate my life to the Lord.  My husband and I decided to join the Local Church of Scotland in Dalgetty Bay were we were living.

We moved to Almondbank in1991 and our membership moved with us.  I attended the local Church, but after trying very hard to fit in found that with a small child I needed more for Ruaridh.

I was directed to Perth Baptist Church by a Gideon friend of my dad’s whose son had been appointed the new pastor there, Rev. Charles Young.  When I went I was astounded at how family oriented they were, and how many children there were. I was delighted, and so was Ruaridh!

I had been regularly attending P.B.C for about a year when I became pregnant.  Kirsty arrived safely on Sunday 4^th September, 1994, three weeks early.  She was blessed in P.B.C around the age of six months.

It was about this time I started noticing changes with my left hand. I had a shake and found I had difficulty walking because of my bad balance. We were blessed with a very good neighbour, Mrs Helen Clark.  I asked her to help me with looking after Kirsty changing her nappy, bathing her and binging her downstairs.  I still didn’t know what was wrong with me.  Time went by and I finally got a diagnosis. I had M.S.—Multiple Sclerosis. It was 4^th August, 1995—a date that will never leave me, one year after it began. 

The attacks were now slowing down and I could do a lot more for Kristy. Helen didn’t need to come in quite so often now and I began to gain more confidence, walking around with Kristy in my arms.  I decided one day to wear a new denim skirt I had and a pair of black boots. The boots were quite heavy, but I decided to wear them nevertheless.  Kristy was dressed and ready to go, so I picked her up in my arms and we went downstairs. 

As I started to go down the thirteen stairs I realised the boots were far too heavy and the skirt far too long for tackling the stairs, especially with my baby daughter in my arms—but it was too late when I remembered. It was about the fourth step down when things became very difficult. I remember stumbling and not being able to grab the rail that was on my left side (my weak side). I was terrified. I could see the bottom of the stairs getting closer all the time as I tried to find my feet and tried to grab the rail—all at the same time.  We were now about three steps from the bottom. I could see the curling stones and the wooden runner in front of the hardwood door—all were dangers, and I had to make a decision. I would save Kristy as best I could. So I stuck out my elbows and held Kristy close to me and closed my eyes…

We landed with a bump. Kristy’s head hit the runner but, apart from that, we were okay.  I remember crying and shaking with fright and feeling Kristy all over.  We went into the kitchen for a cold cloth for Kristy’s head.

I only told Ranald and Ruaridh that we had fallen down the stairs and nothing else because I was so ashamed of my choice of clothes.

We went to church that Sunday as usual. When going up the ramp when I was stopped by Mrs Muriel Murray. “I’ve to give this to you, Carol,” she said and gave me a poem.

As I read the poem I realised Jesus had never left me. Here is the poem:

HE WAS THERE

Jesus heard when you prayed last night,
            He talked with God about you;
        Jesus was there when you fought that fight,
            He is going to bring you through

Jesus knew when you shed those tears,
            But you did not weep alone;
        For the burden you thought too heavy to bear,
            He made His very own.

  Jesus Himself was touched by that trial,
            Which you could not understand;
        Jesus stood by as you almost fell,
            And lovingly grasped your hand.

The tears ran down my face! I could read no more… He was there! He had never left me… all the heartache… all the tears… all the years… and when I fell he was there too!

Jesus cared when you bore that pain;
            Indeed, he bore it too;
        He felt each pang, each ache in your heart,
           Because of His love for you.

Jesus was grieved when you doubted His love,
             But He gave you grace to go on;
        Jesus rejoiced as you trusted Him,
            The only trustworthy One.

His Presence shall ever be with you,
            No need to be anxious or fret;
        Wonderful Lord! He was there all the time,
            He has never forsaken you yet.

The poem was written by Mrs Nell Hawkins, 8 Vienna court, Durban Road, Old swan, Liverpool, L13 5SY.

This little poem changed my life. I now saw where his hand had been directing my life.  He directed me again, using his word in 1 Timothy 6 :12:

Fight the good fight of the faith.
take hold of the eternal life to which you
were called when you made your good
confession in the presence of many witnesses.

On the 17^th August, 1997, I was baptised in Perth Baptist Church. 

I did what he wanted me to do. In being baptised in Christ I died to self. I am still dying to self—it is one of the hardest things to do on your own.

But I’m not on my own. Jesus is here, guiding me, showing me his way to go and how to go about it.

  Carol MacKenzie

Now published in

This work is in effect a sequel to Touched by God: Testimonies of Christian Power, which brought together seven inspirational stories of God’s supernatural intervention in the lives of Christian believers—testimonies that presented extra-biblical proof of God’s divine power and love in the lives of Christian believers.